Joyce To The World: Health and fitness Joyce

Some people think that exercise is not for them, that exercise should be just for protein-shake-swilling Muscle Mary's and other athletes¬ like... well, me. People assume that just because I'm a Lifesaver/ocean swimmer/extreme sports enthusiast that that's the reason I look the way I do.

While nonchalantly doing my daily soft sand run and an ocean swim, a fan paddled out to me and asked, "Joyce, how do you keep that nimble figure looking so fit?" It was then that it dawned on me, that I needed to share my secrets about the perfect body. So, here are some Mayngey health and fitness tips that are guaranteed to blow your mind without breaking the bank.

The first thing I do when I get out of bed is strap on my Maynge-a-size ankle weights. Why buy weights when you can use two tin cans from the pantry. To maximize results, up the reps and the weight size. Try 10 minutes of 1kg No Frills Baked Beans arm curls. Too easy? Up the stakes! Balance 5kg of laundry powder on your head and start to 'pony' and then grapevine. This is not only very effective it's really fun.

A 10km run is a great start. Up the stakes by running with a nude boot on soft sand without leaving a print. Remember, you are only in the fat loss zone when your heart-rate is up. For the best results, simply take a dozen caffeine pills before you work out. Your heart will be pounding so fast, the kilos will just fall off you.

If all else fails, buy your casual Friday clothes a few sizes too big and tell your co-workers how surprised you are about how much weight you have lost. This works a treat! For almost instant results, try your hair in an up style – nothing reads fitness better than a scrunchie, leg warmers and spritzing your face and armpits with salt water. Everyone will think you've shed the kilos and they won't even notice the bulges.

Why should I be the only girl in Sydney that has the dream body! In response to all you letters, I can finally reveal that you'll be pleased to know that the Maynge-a-Size workout class, video and book to be released very soon. So get the body of your dreams in the workout of your life! Remember folks, exercise begins at the home/caravan and can be incorporated into every mundane thing you do. To get the perfect body you don't have to be locked into contracts that are harder to get rid of than the stains on my neighbour Morag's sheets. So reach for your beans and start today!