The eyes have it
Barry Lowe stares down arguments against gay sex. Literally.
Okay, the same-gender marriage debate has generated more than its fair share of hysterical nonsense from those opponents who believe we should be content to pay first-class taxes while accepting a position as second-class citizens. After all, our sexual activity is no longer illegal or officially considered a psychiatric disorder, so why are we being penalised?
It seems legalising marriage between same-sex couples (let alone persons who are non-gender specific) will lead not only to the downfall of civilisation as we know it but also to compulsory paedophilia, the apocalypse, legal sex with animals (no one seems to care about non-consenting vegetables), polyamory, and, last I heard, bad breath and an addiction to vinyl floor coverings.
For example, Lord Robert Edmiston, who is responsible for founding three schools in the UK, believes we shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our ‘reproductive organs’ can’t ‘be joined together’. Better still is Ana Maria Jimenez Ortiz, a deputy of the right-wing PAN Party in Puebla, Mexico, who suggested that “marriage should only be considered for those relationships in which the members have sex while facing each other”. It’s been reported she also said her reasoning was based on science: that only eye contact at time of copulation creates a true union. And, yes, she includes blind people in her argument. Just goes to show the results of having reproductive organs slotting into the so-called ‘right’ holes doesn’t necessarily engender intelligence.
I don’t know about you but I’ve opened my eyes from a drug or alcohol-induced haze to discover the face leering over me as he pants to ejaculation is the one guy in the bar I told all my friends I would never fuck. Or he’s that troll who has been stalking you implacably since you were at school together and who at the precise moment you open your eyes and register the horror, says sweetly, “You’re not as good as I thought you’d be in bed”. Way to crush a guy. It’s enough to make you want to turn over on your stomach immediately.
Anyway, doing it doggy fashion, doesn’t mean you can’t look into your lover’s eyes. Has Ms. Ortiz never heard of mirrors? Or does she not realise that even face down most people are supple enough to turn their head sufficiently to not only kiss their active partner but also look him in the eye? Usually with the plea that he will pay for the neck brace or the chiropractor.
And what has she got against visually-impaired heterosexuals? The blind can’t have sex or get married now in the Puebla region of Mexico? People like her and her Brit counterpart Lord Edmiston seem to want to take the fun and joy out of screwing around. If sex were only for reproduction then why are we horny all the time? Why do we continue way past our ability to reproduce; when our semen has turned watery and the sperm are about as agile as an overweight Olympic swimmer who’s eaten too many burgers?
But I’ll give Ms. Ortiz the benefit of the doubt. Next time I’m being right royally buggered into the ground, I’ll look my top in the eye and whisper, “This one’s for you, Ana Maria”.
During the month of September, he will present a five-part serialised fictional story, entitled Troughman The Musical. Next week: ‘Part One: Auditions’.