Dick for brains

CREATED ON // Friday, 13 June 2014 Written by // Barry Lowe

If watching porn affects brain function, as one study suggest, then humanity is in trouble – starting with Barry Lowe.

Wow! A German study has discovered that watching pornography just might possibly be linked to reduced activity in the brain. May have something to do with all that blood rushing to another part of your body.

But seriously, the study which was published in JAMA Psychiatry studied a whopping 64 men and found evidence which could/perhaps/possibly/might (oh, grab a Thesaurus and look up all the words for tenuous bullshit you can find) establish a link between ‘pornography consumption and brain size’. With our beloved prime minister ripping cash from the hands of dying pensioners to fund medical research I’m hereby applying for a grant to study the possible link between pornography and increased cock size.

Although it is much easier to access pornography these days (can you imagine an ancient Roman getting on his mobile to order a vase with porn drawing be sent over for the night from the local vase hire?), it’s been around since humanity could paint on cave walls, decorate an urn, use paint, discovered engraving, invented photography… what I’m saying, pornography is as much a part of life as the Big Bang.

As a kid, I found statues of naked Greeks and Romans wrestling such a turn-on I wanked regularly even though medical science told me it was ‘unhealthy’ and that I’d end up a lunatic if I continued.

Today, for good health, it’s recommended to pull your pud on such a regular basis I’d be spending almost my entire work day in the office dunny with a box of tissues and some elbow grease. Of course, I graduated to those (now) quaint Athletic Model Guild pics of near-naked men in strange poses and even stranger posing pouches. Just touching reproductions of those photographs can still get me stiff today.

I moved on to the great erotic literature in the days before eBooks. Unfortunately, it had to be read in situ, seated on the dunny toilet peering at the scribbling on the backs of public dunny walls. You couldn’t take it home with you and the only way you could show your appreciation for the writer’s literary skill was to leave a shiny deposit. I was very copious in my thanks, somewhat intrigued about who had the time and the patience to write laboriously in such cramped conditions, irked that they hadn’t had the foresight to just roneo (look it up) their stories and leave copies nailed to the door so I could take a copy to read at my leisure.


[Image] Reading pulp books was often a pastime for Barry Lowe.

As I got older, and I was more into doing than reading or looking at porn, I still had time for those fabulous cheap pulp novels with artwork covers that are now being seriously collected and academically studied – much as erotic eBooks will be about fifty years after I’m dead. Then there was the huge number of magazines with stories accompanied by colour photos of naked but flaccid porn stars. Joey Stefano is a classical pianist in his spare time, one description ran.

It has always been the way that each generation has increased access to whatever constitutes pornography. Perhaps we’ve reached the limit as far as merely 2D visual stimulation is concerned. 3D doesn’t seem to have taken off, so where next?

The world of Virtual Reality seems likely. It will probably be too late for me because, if I accept the results of the German study, my brain will be the size of a peanut.


Barry Lowe

Barry Lowe

Barry Lowe writes about sex so he won't forget what's it like. When he's not scribbling his adventures for SX¸ or out doing field research, he's writing about its wonderful variations for a series of smut eBooks, novels and anthologies.

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