Lifestyles of the gay and famous
“I think I need to live a gayer lifestyle,” he said.
“Yeah?” she said.
“What did you do when you decided to lead more of a lesbian lifestyle?”
“Hmm,” she said. “I asked around and no one seemed to know what that was. So I did some investigating and after a few months of looking at a lot of lesbian couples out there in the community I decided what I really needed to do was get a bigger dog.”
“Oh,” he said. “Did that work?”
“No,” she answered, “It was a nightmare! I’d only ever had small dogs before so a big dog felt completely foreign to me and I couldn’t even picture myself with one.”
“I much prefer small dogs.”
“Hmm,” she said. “Well, small dogs are definitely gayer. Maybe if you got two small dogs that would be twice as gay.”
“Yes, but my place is too small for even one dog and anyway, I rent.”
“Shopping is really gay. You could go shopping a lot.”
“But shopping doesn’t do it for me anymore, I used to love shopping and now I can’t stand it. I’m really looking for something more intellectual.”
“Gee, that’s a real problem then.” She sighed.
He sighed too. “Yes, it’s a problem.” And he coughed.
“I know,” she said, covering the awkward pause, “maybe you could get out of bed later. And if you had more hangovers on the weekend then you could stay in bed longer. That’s gayer.”
“Yeah, but I go to the gym every morning and I couldn’t stay in bed all morning and go to the gym.”
“You could give up the one that’s less gay,” she said. “Sometimes these choices are hard. I mean, when I wanted to live more of a lesbian lifestyle, it was really difficult but I forced myself to take up sport.”
“But you took up netball and what’s so lesbian about a spray tan and a skirt?”
“It was definitely more lesbian when I was playing it because I was playing it.”
“And then you stopped playing and it became 14.285% less lesbian than it was before.”
“Well, on the netball court, yes. I don’t know what was happening in the changerooms.”
“What’s a lifestyle anyway?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said. “Maybe you need to find out what that means first and then make a decision.”