K-Pop Tarts

K-Pop Tarts

CREATED ON // Monday, 30 July 2012 Author // Barry Lowe

ADULT: Korean pop stars write catchy songs and – damn! – they have some hot videos to accompany them, observes Barry Lowe and his friends.  

“Oh my god!” Gavin shouted. “Pause. Hit the Pause button.

I grabbed the remote control and stopped the action on the TV. I could see why he was so agitated. If it’s one thing young Gavin goes gaga over, it’s a hot body and he’d just seen three of the hottest.

We were watching his all-time favorite program SBS PopAsia and the song was G.NA’s ‘2Hot’, which included as background eye candy three hunky stripped-to-the-waist Asian firemen. I could definitely see the appeal.

“That’s what there is not nearly enough of in Kpop,” he sighed. “For every Taeyang and Daesung from BigBang there are dozens of generic groups and the members all look like twelve-year-old schoolboys. All with flawless skin and a wardrobe that would send a small island nation bankrupt. We need more muscle and more nudity.”

He had a point. There’s a certain generic quality to many of the videos because they all share much the same archetypes, especially a platinum blond ’do that seems de rigueur in just about every group. There is, though, something hot about them, especially Daesung, and the muscle blond from Super Junior in the ‘Sexy, Free and Single’ clip. I’m usually drawn to dark, Mediterranean types but every now and then a sexy blond will get the gonads churning.

But if blond is not your flavor, there’s enough sexy men and your type will come along shortly, especially now some groups have a Cadbury’s Roses chocolates selection of up to ten to twelve members. Apart from the aforementioned bands, there’s also a load of muscle talent in 2PM, U-Kiss, and Shinee. I think what makes them so homoerotic is the fact that the boy bands don’t tend to have any females as back-up dancers or even featured as extras in the clips. But if you want to see just how ‘gay’ some of the boys can get, try looking up the Dirty Eyed Girls parody with the boys massaging, near kissing, and generally camping it up.

Alas, none of them anywhere near naked.

The muscular fireman finished their posing while the real dancers strutted their stuff around them. Gavin was just coming down from his muscle induced high when the screen lit up with his all-time favorite singer. It must be said here that Gavin changes his preferences about as often as he changes his underwear – that is, regularly – although his love for Kpop star Taeyang from BigBang is a constant. It’s a love we both share.

“Oh, fuck,” he screamed, bouncing up and down on the lounge. “This is their new song, ‘Monster’, it’s so fuckin’ awesome.”

Yet another dystopian vision, the clip is filmed in an old prison with lots of explosions, monster eye effects and costuming that would make a top designer envious. What is it that makes young men attractive even in the most outrageous costumes? There’s a little S&M in Daesung’s strappy outfit, T.O.P. is his usual blue-haired sophisticated man-of-the-world in a cape, although G-Dragon pudding bowl haircut would make Carol Channing envious. Taeyang? Wow. Who knew the fashion for rolled hair in the style women wore in World War II would make a comeback – for men? It’s already hit the net with detractors comparing it to anything from Mickey Mouse ears to Gary Oldman’s Dracula, but Taeyang carries it off. Long known for wearing the most outrageous fashion imaginable, Taeyang manages three costume changes, including stripped to the waist, as he endures various explosions, dummy kicks, and other dangers in a padded American football jersey, the sort of everyday vampire-on-the-street look.

Gavin was almost pissing himself with delight as he sang along to the song’s hook, “I love you, baby, I’m not a monster”.  The song ends with an apocalyptic vision of the world and the guys singing “I think I’m sick, I think I’m sick”.

“That’s so intense,” Gavin sighed. I think he had a dry orgasm.

Mind you, interpretations of the video clip’s meaning aside, Taeyang (and the other guys) manages to face the end of the world not only in the height of fashion but hot as fuck as well. Vampire or not, Gavin and I are ready to be sucked dry.


Barry Lowe

Barry Lowe

Barry Lowe writes about sex so he won't forget what's it like. When he's not scribbling his adventures for SX¸ or out doing field research, he's writing about its wonderful variations for a series of smut eBooks, novels and anthologies.

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